Joy!

It is with the greatest of joy that I can announce my wife and I have a baby on the way.

Currently, the baby is the size of a raisin. From the picture above, the doctor can already see the head, the tiny little butt and a heartbeat. I will have to take his word for it, because all I see is static.

My wife has never looked happier or prettier.

She is convinced it will be a boy and I say it is going to be a girl. So game on. Who will be right?

Movie Review: Beneath (2013)

Movie Review: Beneath (2013)

 

They say that a movie review should be fair and objective. I say nonsense. So please find my non-objective and unfair review of Beneath:

This movie is shit. Avoid.

The crap thing about this horror movie, if you put a 1000 people in the same situation as these kids, all 1000 will survive.

These dumbasses died so quickly and easily I suspect that they might be mentally handicapped . Call me old fashioned, but, I don't think we should chuck the mentally challenged into a lake for our entertainment.

Most sarcastic email subject

Wow LinkedIn, why would you mock like this? WHY?! What did I do to you?

A triumphant Friday Time Waster

Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog

 

The idea is simple – Triumph the Insult Comedy Dog is a cigar smoking socket puppet that goes around calling celebrities assholes to their face. What a joy to see a stunned celebrity after getting the Triumph treatment on the red carpet.

Triumph did not initially started out on the red carpet but worked his way up by crashing the exclusive Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show in New York. Here he made fun of the ridiculous lengths owners went to get the pets perfect for the show. Of course he got kicked out (It would not be the last time he got kicked out of an event).

He went on to become a regular on the Conon O’Brien show where he got the opportunity to pitilessly mock Conan and the guests on the show.

Although crass and insensitive, some celebrities have embraced Triumph, like the band Bon Jovi. They let Triumph in at one of their shows, where he made fun of them and their fans. They took all his insults with a pinch of salt and even let him come on stage with them to do a song. The band could be seen roaring with laughter in the background while Triumph sang this to the tune of ‘You give love a bad name’:

Humped a shar pei/ pulled out too late/ now that bitch has a litter of eight/ they eat all the Alpo, right off my plate/ oh why the hell didn't I just masturbate?! Oh, I'm a loaded gun!/Here comes Bon Jovi, the pooping's begun!/ Look at you guys, have you no shame?/ You give poop, a bad name! Crawl back in the butt from whence you came!/ You give poop, a bad name!

I gained a lot of respect to Bon Jovi for being such good sports while getting roasted by Triumph.

Somebody that did not to do well with Triumphs insults was Eminmimim. How do you spell that? Anyways, as Triumph started making fun of Slim Shady, he and his whole crew got up and walked out of the MTV music awards.

Too smoothing things over later, the two did a music video together called Ass like that where they free insulted each other.

Then, Triumph stepped up to the king of insults – Simon Cowel. Words can’t describe it. Just watch.

 

GameTrailers

 

Triumph has also been tried his hand at investigative journalism by visiting the Michael Jackson trail to do a “fair and balanced” report on the events there.

 

 

There are many many more stories about Triump. A quick Google search will hook you up.

 

Donkey Kong in Stop Motion

Some old skool gaming

User guizdp took the time to recreate some scenes from the legendary old skool game Donkey Kong.

 

I used to play this on the old Nintendo hand held games.

One day I got it in my head that the games wants to be dissasembled. Why would I do a stupid thing like that? Because I was 9 years old.

 

A small Friday Time Waster

Thumbs!

 

I like bizarre web comics and movies and none is more bizarre than the Thumbs! series. This series of short movie was made by Steve Oedekerk, the man who wrote the screenplays for Patch Adams, Nutty Professor II, Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius, Barnyard,and um, Kung Pow: Enter the Fist.

If you are not sure if you are drunk enough to watch Kung Pow – you are not drunk enough.

These comical short movies employs dressed up thumbs as actors on very small sets. The attention to detail on the little sets is astonishing.

The first movie was a spoof of Star Wars called Thumb Wars: The Phantom Cuticle. The movie was made to promote the animated Star Wars: The Clone Wars series that was about to debut on Cartoon Network.

Judging from the ratings it got on http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0206341/ andhttp://www.rottentomatoes.com/m/thumb-wars/  the short film was a big success.  On both websites the movie beats Stars Wars: Phantom Menace in terms of audience popularity.

Thumb wars were followed up by The Godthumb. Later four more films joined the series: Bat thumb, Frankentumb, Blairthumb and Thumbtanic.

Bat thumb is a spoof of Tim Burton's Batman with Micheal Keaton starring as Batman. Here is the movie as published on Google movies:

 

 

You can find all the other movies on YouTube. 

Thumb wars

 

 

Godthumb

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Blairthumb

 

 

 

You can follow me on Twitter: @riiaan79

 

PlayStation 4 outmaneuvers the XBone

PlayStation 4 outmaneuvers the XBone

Xbox One was recently announced and the message from Microsoft to gamers was loud and clear: “Fuck You!”

 Back in the day…

When Microsoft released the Xbox 360 in 2005 to compete against the Sony PlayStation 3, they were clearly the underdog. The Sony PlayStation2 was the most successful console ever and to make their mark would not be easy.

To compete, the Xbox 360 was priced lower than the PS3 and MS went out of their way to produce good games and entertainment for the system. In the end, the 360 competed very well against the PS3 and both of them sold more or less the same.

Unfortunately now…

Now, with their foot firmly in the market, all goodwill MS had towards gamers has dried up as demonstrated by the press conference announcing the new Xbox titled the ‘Xbox One’. Or “XBone” as gamers scathingly refer to it.

Microsoft’s contempt for gamers clearly showed when they said that you can’t lend or borrow games anymore. Should you lend a game from someone, you will have to pay to play the game.

Another blow to gamers – your Xbox will need a connection to the Internet or else you cannot play games. For people who don’t have Internet or people who has a bad connection at home this is a problem.

Then there is the prying eye. The Kinect must be on or the Xbox won’t function. The fact that the camera must always be switched on has some frightening implication… 

For one, MS recently applied for a patent – when you watch a movie you will only be licensed for a certain number of people to watch it. Should the Kinect detect more people in the room, the movie will be paused until you pony up some more cash. 

It is also suspected that the Kinect will collect data on you so that MS can target advertising at you. Although MS says that their Terms of Agreement states that they won’t collect data on you there is another clause that you have to remember – “Terms and Agreements are subject to change without prior notice.”  

After you have bought your Xbox One, MS can invade your home and there is nothing you can do about it. 

However, there was a silver lining, the E3 conference was still coming up and it was expected that Microsoft would clarify or reverse some of the restrictions they are going to place on the Xbox One.  

E3 has now come and gone and MS is still going ahead with the draconian limitations. 

Sony has made a meal of the ‘bone’ that Microsoft has thrown them. It seems clear that they want to capitalize on the negativity the XBone has generated by announcing that not only will their console be cheaper, it will have none of the restrictions. To delight of pretty much everyone, they have been releasing videos on YouTube mocking the new Xbox.
 

 

Is Microsoft worried? No. Microsoft’s Phil Spencer simply said:

“we believe an all-in-one system that does the best games and TV and entertainment will be something that's really unique.” Or in other words, the target market is no longer gamers. 

There you have it, since the Xbox 360 introduced gaming to main stream, the focus of the Xbox has shifted from gaming to entertainment. The Xbox is now an entertainment system and no longer a gaming system.

The future…

The race for the next generation has started and it looks like Sony is leading the pack at the moment. Will Microsoft be able to pull it together and be competitive?

 

I really hope that Microsoft softens their anti-consumer stance, but until they do, all I have to say to them is, “Microsoft, you and your Xbox can go fuck yourselves!”

 

Image Source.