The worst computer hacks in
movies
Movies have to be fun to watch and to make a
computer hack look fun and exciting is not easy. That is why directors have to
use some poetic license when it comes to portraying a computer hack.
However, some portrayals are so laughably stupid
you can’t help but wonder about the writer. Is he a dipshit? Was the script
done on a typewriter?
This is not the ‘80 where you can just
explain a computer scene with gibberish. Most people are computer savvy these
days and they know you are just talking bullshit.
Here are three of the worst that I have
seen.
Swordfish: Wolverine cracks the AES algorithm in 60 seconds
Hugh bangs at the keyboard for a while and
‘TA-DA’, encryption broken! Later when asked how he managed to do it, he says,
“I don’t know, I can see the code in my head.”
See the code in your head? Like that is a genius ability to have. You can see the
code in your eyes too.
The code for the AES algorithm is published right here.
The code is public knowledge. You see, back
in the day organizations relied on keeping their security measures secret. That
did not work very well, when the secret got out (leaked by a disgruntled
employee or whatever) the entire system is compromised. The phenomenon was
called “Security by obscurity”.
Security experts realized a better way of
doing this would be to publish the algorithm that you are using. That way all
the best experts in the world (and hackers) can take a look at your algorithm
and find all the bugs and weaknesses.
Once the experts can’t find any more weaknesses, you have a pretty
strong algorithm on your hands. Now, nobody can compromise your system, even if
they have in depth knowledge of it.
AES, the encryption scheme used by the
Department of Defence (as seen in the video), was put through this test and
survived scrutiny from all over the world.
There
is no way to easily crack it. The only way possible to get in is a Brute Force attack.
That is where you try and guess every password that there is. To give you an
idea just how resistant AES is to Brute Force attack:
If you start guessing a million passwords
every second since the Big Bang you will still be busy to this very day.
So, if you ever find yourself in the same
situation as Hugh up there, just sit back and enjoy the blowie.
Firewall: Indiana Jones hacks a server with
an iPod
In a scene where Harrison Ford has to steal
some information of a server, he sticks a scanner into an iPod and then duck
tapes the thing to a computer screen. This contraption than proceeds to steal
the bank account numbers.
Do I have to explain to anybody why that
won’t work?
Texas Walker: The first time Chuck Norris
sees a computer
This episode was shot in 2000. Computers
were already a thing back then. It was not something new, but for the writer it
was obviously a new thing and you have to assume the script was done on a
typewriter.
In this episode of Walker Texas Ranger a
hacker has hacked the FBI’s database and is selling the information to
mobsters. To combat the hacker Walker sets up a high tech computer command
center.
When the other rangers see the center for
the first time their jaws drop open. One of them breathlessly whispers: “It’s
like NASA!” when another one hilariously exclaims “NASA 20 years into the
future!” never having actually seen what NASA looks like.
NASA. Twenty years into the future.
Walker also got himself a good hacker to
take down the bad hacker. For her first task he asks her to hack into a mobster’s
bank account. She asks Walker what is his name and where is he located and then
casually taps the keyboard three or four times and she‘s in his bank account!
BRILLIANT! She just hacked a bank’s website
with less keystrokes it takes me to type the URL to my online bank!
You can see the full episode at TubePlus
(if it has not been removed). There are plenty more stupid hacking tricks, like
the bad guy hacking the FBI by typing really fast and many more. It’s a must
see.
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